Stranded
by DarkDanny
Summary: Definitive Edition: The mission to save Quarians on Gei Hinnom goes wrong all the way down to the most rudimentary level. Good thing Commander Shepard and Tali'Zorah is on top of this one. Maybe.
1. Lost

**Chapter One: Lost**

 **…**

Searing agony ripped through his body. It took all his efforts not to scream at the excruciating pain all he could see was... well nothing. Not at first. Blood was pooling into his eyes. His whole face was bleeding into the flickering control panel of the Hammerhead.

 _What in the hell happened?_

Wiping the blood from his eye sockets, Commander John Shepard; First human Spectre, active duty Cerberus asset and part time corpse pulled his head back tenderly and did a mental check to make sure everything was in working order. He first wiggled his toes and instantly felt a thousand times better, despite having his face mashed in by the crash. Not only were his legs undamaged but so was his spine. Good, that meant his cybernetic implants did make all the difference.

He groaned as he rested his head back into the seat, now barely attached to the tank Wiping the blood flowing from his nose, he noticed the damage report and the communication set both of them looking like they were to crash at any moment. The Hammerhead was shot to shit. They must have overshot the landing and hit the jungles when...When the Collectors arrived.

 _Shit..._

John's hand hit the Hammerhead commlink channel. He needed to get a status report.

"Joker, this is Shepard, do you read? I needed a sitrep five minutes ago! What in the _hell_ happened?" he demanded, his voice hoarse and sounding much older than he remembered.

The message sent back to him was not good if he disregarded the static. Joker sounded panicked.

 _"Collect-.. Evasive... Retreat... Stay still..."_

The line went dead, leaving the Spectre in an almost silent cockpit. Silence only broken by the hissing of the drive core dying and the communication network failing.

"Joker? _**JOKER**_ , COME IN!" he roared again as though shouting would make the communication link strengthen.

The commlink broke in a final gasp of sparks and hisses. Leaving the disoriented Commander all alone in the shattered cockpit with no clue what in the hell had happened.

What he knew was that he was not alone on this mission. He had brought a team with him. No... Not just a team.

It was just Tali and him now...

Newly renamed Tali'Zorah vas Normandy had approached him about this operation. She had gotten a request from the Migrant Fleet to seek out a lost quarian ship, a lieutenant and her crew had gone missing after a routine scouting mission into the Hades Nexus system. Tali, who was naturally completely dedicated to helping her people, despite the fact the leadership tried to sell her out, had insisted that they check it out. Now she had vanished. She was gone from the Hammerhead.

Shepard looked up to find that the hatch had been already opened. Tugging off his safety belt, he could just imagine that it was open by the quarian's doing. In all likelihood that woman was probably constructing a quantum entanglement communicator out of what was left of the Hammerhead; she was that good at turning scrap into something useful.

He reckoned he should probably help. He might have been a jarhead, but he reckoned he wasn't completely useless in fields other than killing people. He'd probably hand his command over to Tali and just serve as a grunt. Keep her safe while she put together a plan.

He silently tugged himself out of the crashed hover armoured personnel vehicle; the sunlight blinded him briefly as his eyes took a while to get adjusted. He coughed and pushed himself out of the hatch and stumbled off the broken Hammerhead and falling ass first into the mud with a yelp. He groaned, hoping the mud and his armour had made sure he had not broken his tail bone.

Goddamn did he miss the Mako…

Groaning again, he pulled himself up and noticed the quarian footprints in the mud. They were longer, more graceful strides which moved that woman quicker than most. Tali presented herself as almost a ballerina in the way she moved, ad right about now Shepard was wondering why in the fuck he was having these sorts of thoughts.

Shaking his head as he pushed through the flora, Shepard followed the tracks as they led away from crash site and through what looked like a clearing. His guess proved correct. As he crossed through the last of the palm-like trees, he found himself on a rolling plain, a small creek flowing just strong enough to make noise.

Fortunately for him it didn't take as long as he thought.

John smiled slightly through the pain as he noticed the figure standing in front of him. There she was...

Tali stood there in the middle of treeless, grassy field, pacing back and forth and speaking franticly. It was, however, spoken in her native language. She seemed to be barking orders in her own language, Khellish. Shepard frowned to himself. Was she radioing the crash survivors of the quarian vessel?

" _Tali_?" John spoke up, calling out to her. "Tali, are you alright? Did you get Joker?"

Tali bounced and turned right around, her eyes were wide through the mask plate glass as her shotgun in her hands flung right around and was immediately raised at his chest.

Shepard threw his hands up, too surprised to do anything other than that. As soon as the weapon was raised, it was slumped back down.

"Tali... what in the _hell_ was that for?" he growled at her.

Her bright eyes somehow widened even more by the sound of his voice. She looked surprised... almost shocked by his call. His slight grin, caused by the feeling of elation to see and that that she had gotten out of this mess in one piece slipped away. She seemed upset, almost shaken.

 _"Shepard?"_ she spoke, her voice sounding… extremely more foreign than usual.

"Tali, is everything alright?" he spoke again to her. "Have you been hurt?"

Tali simply stared at the question as though he had said something completely reprehensible to her. Any trace of amusement on his face fell away as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. Slowly, Tali stepped forward, inhaling deeply.

" _Shepard, Fal Aliza'tar dar daeqist_?" her voice suddenly chirped almost like a bird, surprising the Commander.

Shepard blinked rather stupidly in his own opinion. At first he figured it was confusion, then perhaps a joke to make him smile after he got his face smashed apart. It didn't take long before he drew to the most logical of conclusions.

"Tali, is your translator _broken_?" He asked her quickly not liking the pause giving for the question.

Tali, like John stupidly stared at the words spoken as well. His theory was confirmed right there and then.

Quirking his lips to a sheepish smile, John reached out and pointed to Tali and then gestured to the ground next to him. Tali nodded quickly and limped his way. John grunted as he pulled his translator out of his ear. It was coated in his blood and clearly broken as he suspected. Wiping the blood off the receiver, He showed to Tali's whose eyes widened, her mouth gasping as she understood exactly what had happened to him now.

She nodded, confirming his theory officially.

Both of them lost their translators.

Shepard emitted a low laugh… oh for fuck's sake, of course this was happening.

John fell to the ground, dumping his gear off his back. One hand wiped the blood still flowing freely from his injuries; the other digging into his armour to produce a pack of rarely used purely medicinal pack of cigarettes. He didn't smoke often... just when things got this messed up; and it seemed as though since he started his war with the Collectors he was smoking more and more.

Shepard felt Tali's eyes on him as he slipped one into his lips and again patted his armour. He nearly swore as he realized he hadn't brought along a lighter. Pissed, he threw the cigarette to the jungle floor and looked up to Tali, meeting her clearly concerned gaze.

"We've overshot our LZ by easily ten or so clicks." He spoke to the quarian, more for himself than for her. His thumb gestured back towards the smashed up Hammerhead. He added. "We'll gather what we need. We move out in ten."

Tali did not move at his words, Shepard sighed, rubbing his head. Of course she didn't understand.

So, they had no transportation, no communications back to the Normandy, and worst of all: No working translators to even speak to his engineer... well, _friend_. This was going to be the worst stranded situation he ever found himself in.

He went to work limping as he pulled himself past Tali and back into the tank searching for salvage, only pausing for a second to wave Tali to follow him. They would gather what they needed for a long term stay on this world. Spare equipment they could possibly use at the quarian crash site: weapons, electronics… things which Tali could possibly work with.

Above all else, they needed was a working signal beacon and some sort of faster than light communication device.

It wasn't that tall of an order; quarians were, after all, known for making something out of next to nothing. It may have sounded like a stereotype. But it wasn't far from the truth. Especially when it came to Tali; she was a certified mechanical/electronic genius. She'd strip everything useful from the Hammerhead and they'd construct something…

From behind him, he could hear footsteps following his lead. Tali, it seemed, understood the gist of it, or had the same idea... Or she had the idea before he did. She was much cleverer than he was when it came to this.

As he dug through the vehicle, Tali joined him, mimicking what he was doing. Together the two of them worked furiously to salvage what they could. Looking up through the hatch he could see a rainstorm was brewing overhead and night time was falling quickly.

Though the lack of communication was disheartening, at least Tali still trusted him and seemed to know what he intended. As shitty as all of this was, this inherent trust between two aliens, built over such a long period of service together was making this situation just a little better.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

 _One M-3 Predator heavy pistol… working condition._

 _One M-22 Evicerator Shotgun, repaired with intact pieces of Shepard's damaged M-22._

 _One M-96 Mattock Heavy Rifle, battered, Thermal clip receiver jammed: crippled but usable…_

That was all the firepower they had available. Everything else was lost to the crash. The Hammerhead was no Mako. The moment the thrusters blew off as they tried to land safety. That, combined with the massive fracture in the rocket launcher left the vehicle no longer safe to ever use again. Fragile equipment such as omni-tools was damaged, but salvageable once they got back onto the _Normandy_.

That was if they got back to the _Normandy_ …

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy sighed to herself. This was not looking well for the two of them and whatever quarian survivors they could find once they were ready to move out.

The engineer, no longer wanting to think of the bad aspects of being trapped on this world, turned her head and watched John... _Shepard_ as he silently fanned the flames of a small fire he lit using a charged thermal clip. It was quite ingenious of him, really and she would have gladly praised her captain had both of their translation software survived hitting the planet.

For now, they had found cover in the small cave as they waited for both night time to end and a heavy rainstorm that came in quick and overwhelmed the two of them. Tali could not believe how absurd this was. They were two highly advanced species and now they were separated by something as simple and taken for granted as language.

Now look at the two of them, they were huddled in a damn cave like a couple of savages...

She shuffled nervously as she stared into the back of Shepard's head. Tali sighed again wistfully. It could have been worst... At least she had some very nice looking company. That was if she disregarded just how battered he looked, of course...

She only knew a couple of human words. It came with her travels. Mostly it was names of ships, their worlds, and names of individuals as well as the occasional curse word she heard her captain utter when his anger got the better of him. That was about it, her translation software took care of everything else for her. Shepard, it appeared, was on the same page as well. The way he was miming things to her did he think her stupid or ignorant?

John...no... Shepard, finally glanced back at her, noticing how huddled she was in the back of the small cramped cave. Tali silently watched as his mouth formed words that were little better than gibberish to her. He paused and gave a laugh that warmed Tali's spirits up immensely. He had reached out towards her, waving her to join him. Tali nodded and crawled over, resting her body close to the human. Not too close, just... close enough.

The fire gave details to Shepard's face. It showed her how much dried blood coated him. She winced at the sight and resisted the urge to break out what little medi-gel they had found.

"Thank you for the fire, Captain. Here, let me tend to those injuries," she whispered to him softly, forgetting for a moment that he could not understand. She heard him grunt. He seemed to get the gist of what she was saying.

As her long fingers reached out and tentatively grazed her Captain's skin, Shepard flinched and growled slightly, causing Tali to blink and recoil. She was stopped by Shepard's hand gripping her forearm, keeping her from fleeing at his reaction. Slowly she exhaled and tilted his head to one side. Unfortunately neither human nor quarian had medi-gel to spare. What they had, Shepard seemed to want to save in case of an emergency, leaving her captain in quite a mess.

It was a mess Tali could not stand to bear witness to without doing something, _anything_ to help him.

She reached up and quietly she unfastened her mother's hood, trying her utmost to ignore the curious expression the human wore. Her father, had he been alive, would disapprove of what she had planned.

But to hell with him and his disapproval; she knew her mother Qualia would understand. She was beautiful like that. Her memories were full of moments of her charity and compassion for others. She would have done the exact same without the slightest of hesitations.

Of course mother, unlike father, did not know that she was harbouring a crush on this human…

Hearing her name being called almost as if he was protesting her wrecking her hood, Tali moved past Shepard and the fire to the edge of the cave. With no hesitation in her intentions, she reached outwards, pushing the hood into the rain storm.

"At any point you could have told me that this mission did not take priority. Yet you took it up with the same sort of dedication I felt for it…" Tali spoke aloud to the human as she watched her mother's hood soak quickly. "You could have said no, you had every reason and justification to tell me you had no time for this... for any vice I have asked you to help me with... but you didn't…"

Tali trailed off and looked back to the injured human, sitting there in silence.

"You never say no to me…" she observed. "… _Why_?"

Tali turned back and found the bleeding Commander, tugging off his damaged shoulder armour. His eyes, beautifully blue and shimmering in the fire's light never left her presence. Tali bit her lip and turned back, crawling back to his side.

Yet again Tali'Zorah moved her hand up to hold the undamaged cheek. This time John did not flinch. Instead, he just sat there silent as she wrapped her right hand in the dampened, detached hood. With as much care as she could give, she moved the hood over the cuts, washing the drying blood from off his face.

"I wish you knew what everything you have done for me has meant," she continued as she applied pressure to the gash. "I have giving you almost nothing in return for your kindness. It's even hard because you do not ask for anything in return."

She nearly jumped as the hand that held his cheek pulsed unnaturally, almost like a sudden electrical shock. She pushed her hand uncertainly into the flesh. It was a sub-dermal implant. It must have been one of his cybernetics, pulsing away from inside his body. Tali felt herself go faint. It reminded her of just how much life had changed for her Captain. Gone for two years only to come back and find out that everyone had moved on with their lives…

Well, almost everyone...

She could not speak for the others, but she could not move on from the loss...

"You know, you are my best friend, John Shepard," she spoke again, her voice almost longing for him to understand what her words meant. "You are the only person who has ever stood by me unwavering. Thank you."

Perhaps not having these translators was a blessing. She could speak her mind freely about him for the first time. Confession had a nice warm feeling, like… it was a release.

" _Tali_."

Her name was the only thing she could understand as John mumbled back to her, it was slurred and alien sounding to her. Though she could not make sense of the human tongue spoke, she paid attention as though it did.

He was worth the effort.

Shepard snorted and shook his head as though he too understand how absurd this was. Instead he grabbed her hand, surprising her, sending a jolt of warmness through her body even though layers of her suit blocked a moment of true intimacy.

Now in control of Tali's thin arm, he pointed it at himself, poking his chest with her finger.

"John Shepard…" He stated factually.

Tali nodded. Yes, he was certainly John Shepard. Through cuts and bruises he was as handsome as ever...

He moved his hand over to the flickering flames.

" _Fire…._ " He spoke again. He waited several seconds before repeating the word until Tali understood. It was the human word for _K'vais_.

"F'i're..." Tali repeated uncertainly her mouth forming the human word rather awkwardly. John smiled as brightly as he could and nodded. He moved her hand once again, a little lower. He was now gesturing to the thermal clip, bright as the flames licked against it.

After making her say thermal clip in human tongue, her hand was resting against his open wound.

" _Stop_..." He made a gesture of his hand straight up. " _Bleeding_ …"

He ran her fingers through the blood and gestured to the iron scented liquid.

Tali blinked as she pulled all the pieces together. John... wanted her to stop the bleeding by burning the wound closed. How could he suggest something so _barbaric_ be done?

Thinking about it though made it clear that he was right. The bleeding needed to be stopped and they couldn't spare any medi-gel in case the Collectors had landed a raid to look for them, and if the lost quarians were wounded more severely than he.

John tugged off his combat gauntlet and handed it to Tali to use so she did not burn herself. The engineer nodded and gingerly, she reached down and dug the thermal clip out of the fire pit.

 _ **"AH, AH!"**_ John spoke out, his index finger raised. Tali remembered the gesture's significance; if she was right, it meant that a human was asking for a moment. So taking a chance on that guess, Tali nodded and waited as John bowed his head, inhaled deeply and nodded, his eyes staring into hers.

Tali, obliged, wincing as she stuck the overheated clip into the wound, listening as blood hissed as it boiled and skin was burnt. Shepard shook, his teeth gritted. Still he did not move, nor cry out. He suppressed his pain as he glared into her eyes.

As fast as she pressed the hot metal against his skin, she tugged it back, releasing it back into the fire. John slumped over, hissing as pain coursed through him. He fell into her lap still breathing roughly. Tali, her stomach filled with guilt for hurting him wrapped the soaking wet violet hood over the wound once again.

"Shepard, I'm so sorry," She apologized profusely. "You were right though, it was the only way to stop the bleeding without breaking out the medical supplies…"

John's alien baritone spoke again, babbling softly, as though he too was apologizing right back to her. Tali sighed and watched the crackling of the fire, her hands running through his hair affectionately. She felt the human's heart beat into her lap. They remained there for what felt like an hour before she could feel herself getting drowsy with sleep.

Tali shuffled the two of them back of the small cave where she had pulled out was left of the leather bound seats of the Hammerhead. Together the two of them laid down in the improvised bedding, both of them resting with no spaces between the two of them in an effort to conserve heat released from Shepard's body and Tali's suit environment system. This was going to be awkward for them, but Tali would worry about it once they were safe and back on board the Normandy.

Unconsciously, she pushed the human's head into her chest as though to protect him from exposure. Shepard found himself face planted against rubber and reactive armour. If the Commander complained, she did not think she would ever hear it. Well... to be honest, she did not need to do this... but she could honestly not mind it all that much.

It wasn't often she got to drown her dashing Commander with her flesh.

Well, not technically... but for a quarian, it was close enough.

...

...

"Tali flank left... oh never mind!"

John quickly waved his nonverbal command to Tali and fired another round from his Mattock, connecting with a varren, splitting it open. Tali nodded chirped something affirmative and moved in the direction he needed her to be. Her improvised Shotgun blasted a second varren, tearing it wide open.

After waking up to find that both of them were completely tangled into each other's bodies, they both pushed the awkwardness to the side as they gathered their remaining equipment and moved out without a word spoken to one another. Even if they could understand one another, it was hard for him to get over waking up with his face buried deeply into Tali's breasts.

Not that he minded it, of course.

Now they were back on the hunt for the crash. Tali's half working Omni-Tool was flickering on and off as the mapping program showed them they had landed only slightly off trajectory rather than the twenty or so kilometers as Shepard hypothesized. It was not long before they found the first sign of the crash: a chunk of the ship's hull.

 _"Bosh'tet, Se'uvai!"_ he heard the frustrated quarian cry out s she smacked the omni-tool in vain. She had spent hours trying to hardwire her and his Omni-tool in a vain attempt to have one of them working. Trying to get the piece of shit working again, she did not notice the growl and sudden rustling in the wood in front of her

Shepard fired another burst at a Varren who popped up in front of Tali. Tali jumped back and turned to him.

 _"Yo'ali Havas' hav Iktarn, Shepard!"_ she spoke, dropping her arm and raising her improvised Shotgun back into a combat stance. Shepard nodded, assuming the words were ' _thanks'_.

They continued moving defensively through the bush, past more wreckage until finally both of them stumbled across a muddy impact, like the freighter had left a massive skid mark in the side of the planet.

The sight of the dead quarians, scattered around the wreckage site like ragdolls, instantly dampened any excitement created by discovering the crash site. Tali looked almost crushed as she slowly examined each of the dead at a pace that Shepard could only describe as mournful.

A sudden cry from inside the wreckage caught both of their attentions, and then a sudden roar from out in the jungle. More varren were here and looking for another meal.

" _Shepard_!"

John turned to find that Tali had thrown her Predator heavy pistol over to him; it was a clear statement to the Spectre. Set up a parameter while she searched for survivors. Hitting another varren group with both weapons firing, John dived behind some cover as Tali bolted into the wreckage of the freighter.

Quietly, Shepard hoped that they hadn't been too late. The last thing neither he nor Tali wanted to see was another dead quarian.

...

...

"You're going to be alright, Lieutenant... definitely sick but all right. We have a very capable ship's doctor. She's had to patch me up quite a bit so she's an expert in or physiology now."

"I can already feel the infection coming on. When can we move?"

Tali sighed as she felt the eyes of Lieutenant Forzan, the only crash survivor left stare at her expectantly. What could she possibly say to the woman? That in a moment of childish curiosity, Tali decided she wanted to try the Hammerhead, which her captain approved through her begging? Now the Hammerhead was smashed to pieces in the woods because the Collectors had been tracking the Normandy...

"We're stuck here, but that is temporary," Tali reassured the lieutenant. "My captain's pilot has never failed him before. He will be back soon."

Tali closed her eyes. She lied. That bosh'tet Flight Lieutenant had failed Shepard before. Jeff "Joker" Moreau was very unlikely to ever leave her _"Shit List"_ , as Ashley Williams once called it, for placing his pride and love of a ship over his and Shepard's life, that damn fool.

"Thank you Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I'm grateful for your arrival," Forzan whispered groggily as the medi-gel burned inside her injuries. "Until then, feel free to eat if you are hungry. This world is Levo's DNA based life. I'm afraid your captain will have to be content with eating the varren if he is hungry."

The engineer bit her lip. It would not surprise her in the slightest if she caught her Captain munching on a roasted varren... he was practically krogan at times.

"A lot of our equipment has been damaged," Tali spoke again as she sat the Lieutenant down into a makeshift mattress. "I was curious if you had been assigned a translator piece. Somehow we both broke our devices in the crash. We've been stumbling over language barriers since we landed. If only one of us could understand the other, then we will be in a better state."

Forzan nodded. Her hands dug into behind her veil. A faint hiss escaped from behind the helmet and soon enough, Forzan hand pulled out, gingerly cradling a small microchip. Strange... Tali had expected she would have had an omni-tool translator... not so apparently... It was a suit based translation device... interesting.

"Here, I do not need it." Forzan spoke, handing the suit chip. "I was the only one the fleet equipped to deal with non-quarians. It's a bit older then I imagine you use."

"Thank you. I will also need to enlist your help." Tali returned as she opened the USB port in the back of her helmet and pressed the chip in. "We need to build a beacon so that the Normandy can find us quickly."

Forzan nodded weakly.

"I will be glad to," she said wearily. "I can't move so well though."

Neither of them pad any mind to the heavy boots stamping behind them.

"Perimeter is clear, Tali. How's the patient?"

Tali stiffened slightly as Shepard's baritone made perfect sense to her. Well, at least one of them understood the other now. She turned back to face the source of the voice and smiled slightly, her hand raised to Forzan.

"Shepard vas Normandy; this is Lieutenant Forzan vas Cyniad." Tali introduced her captain to the wounded lieutenant. She paused, looked around. Sheepishly, she added. "Well... what's left of it."

Shepard showed limited understanding to her, of course. Regardless, he understood enough to hold his hand out to Lieutenant Forzan, who looked at it almost nervously

"Ah... hello… Tali here gave me an hour long lecture about finding you..." he spoke with a smile in his voice. "She tends to think that she needs to present a well thought out case in order to get me to do something for her. Must be a quarian thing..."

Shepard trailed off, his grin dying as his hand remained unshaken. Slowly he lowered it away and rubbed the back of his neck. He did not seem to notice that the quarian engineer stiffened up at his sweet words.

"I see... no translator as well... "He mumbled. Giving both of them a brief nod, he lifted his rife and stepped back out of the wreckage, leaving Lieutenant Forzan and a suddenly jumpy Tali in his wake.

Forzan chuckled weakly.

"Alien, but very handsome." Forzan mused, shooting Tali a knowing look. "Good on you Tali'Zorah."

Tali nearly shrieked at the older woman for such a blunt statement.

"The tense stressing of his name in your voice, the way you turn to him. It's so obvious that it's almost embarrassing." Forzan chuckled as she pushed herself up against the wall. "I do not imagine your father would approve of what you're thinking of your captain right about now..."

Tali shrugged, idly.

"He's not thinking of anything now. He's dead," Tali answered her dryly.

Forzan raised her hand to her mask, as though she wished that she could take back her observation. Tali shook her head. Forzan was in the dark for weeks about fleet activity. She could not have known about the trial about the geth activation... or about her father's idiocy.

"It does not matter; besides... I already told him exactly what I was thinking about my captain. To say he was furious was an understatement." She admitted to the Captain, her voice suppressed any grief and replacing it instead with sly tone… conspiratorial as the two women kept their eyes on the back of the human male. "If my father did not like that I thought such things about a human, it would not matter to me. Not in the slightest."

Forzan and Tali laughed softly.

"Well, I should go, try to explain to Captain Shepard that I have a translator..." Tali decided. She was stopped however by Forzan reaching up, her hand gripping her arm.

"Not so fast…" Forzan smirked in her voice. "I don't know much about his people, but the way he looked at you? Come on, you felt it..."

Tali shifted nervously, her hands wringing as she admitted she did feel that strange alien spark fly.

"Okay… so I might have bought a couple of human body language manuals… all of them more random than the next..." Tali admitted ruefully. "It's strange to witness first hand though... Keelah, especially from him."

Forzan looked almost amused at the prospects of an Admirals daughter being so personal with an alien.

"Well why don't you just tell him you have a translator in the morning?" Forzan tried to persuade. "He does not need to know so quickly. You can see if he says something. Just say that you fixed mine during the evening."

Admitting the lie was a feasible one to tell, Tali sighed as she continued to stare at Shepard watching the tree line, his rifle raised and looking ready for a fight. Forzan was right... It wasn't as though they were in a real need of communication at least for now.

"I do not see the harm in it... It would be interesting if something... _anything_ came up." Tali admitted to the Lieutenant, trying to fight the urge to feel too guilty for this sort of scheming.

Forzan rubbed her hands together, mostly likely she was grinning at the prospect of some fun. Tali sighed and understood the older woman's plight perfectly... this sort of distraction would be perfect to push the loss of her whole team into the back of her mind.

She really could use a distraction from her own losses as well...

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

 _ **"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."**_

This shell of a being, too soft, too weak to remain for long before the sheer weight of his presence shattered the being completely. Harbinger, Commander of the Reaper fleet and creator of these husks, turned itself back and faced the detachment gathered around the primitive wreckage.

Harbinger relished in the mistake made by the organics, led by their naïve, short sighted leader, Shepard. Had they been so foolish to believe they could chase his pawns unopposed? Well they would learn sooner than later that this was a fight they could not win. Shepard only had two options for salvation: assimilation or death.

Increasingly, Harbinger was choosing death over union with the parasite and his minions. They were too much of an annoyance for coexistence.

 _ **"Spread out,"**_ Harbinger ordered. _**"Find any survivors of this crash. No one is to survive."**_

...

...

Night had fallen over Gei Hinnom once again.

Tali sighed as she set down the almost completed transmitter. Despite being stranded on a planet with wild Varren everywhere, she had to admit that the world was rather beautiful. With a perimeter set up, all the weapons scavenged, and the dead lined up for quick retrieval should the fleet want to scavenge what remained of the _Cyniad_ and perform body retrieval. There was nothing left to do but to lounge back and relax the best she could.

Lieutenant Forzan was fast asleep. She was down for the night on a mild sedative, leaving her all alone with her captain. Fortunately for the two of them, there were no heavy rainstorms tonight. Instead the night sky shined back at them, with thousands of star hanging above them.

Tali was no astronomer, but her mother had the talent. It was one of her many hobbies in her spare time as she raised her daughter mostly alone. Father's attention was always on everything and everyone else. Wherever the Migrant Fleet roamed, mother always knew which of the stars was theirs. It was always a faint light, starlight that radiated from the star back from the times of their ancestors.

Using her child logic, she always wished she could send a message backwards in time by deflecting the light back to its source. Create some sort of Morse code to warn the ancestors about what would happen. Of course she hadn't factored light travel did not work that way. Still... a child could dream of that... Her mother encouraged it. Qaulia'Zorah was always allowing her child's imagination to flourish.

At least until her father told both her and mother that such childish thoughts were stupid and a waste of time.

A gag caught her attention. It was Shepard. In his hands was a cooked varren steak he had cut off a fresh kill. A large bite-mark was bitten out. She watched amused as John spat the disgusting meat out into the flickering bonfire.

"That krogan was right. This shit is terrible…" her captain said, sounding rather nauseous. "Might as well eat some goddamn nutrient paste… Oh wait... I don't want to have a _seizure_! Just great… fan- _fucking_ -tastic…"

Tali stifled a laugh. She simply tilted her head and stared at him as he remained distracted by the fire. His hands ran through what little hair he had. Quietly Tali wondered what he would look like if his let it grow out... just a little bit... enough to run her hands through it...

She exhaled and closed her eyes and pushed that thought away. Instead she wondered what life was like for Shepard when he was a child... She wondered if he knew how well he had it. He was space born by parental choice. He had a home world to go to still.

One her biggest obstacles with him was his willingness to humanize the geth. Write off they did as... what he described it as was child abuse. It was one of the few topics which created a heated division between them. He never backed down and always found a counter argument. At one point while they were chasing Saren he managed (at least in her opinion) to justify the quarian exile. Those words that he spoke made her not speak to him for a week straight. It was the only time she ever contemplated leaving his crew.

That feeling lasted about a day. Before she could seriously put thought into is, Tali found in her sleeper pod a hardware program for her Omni-Tool. On it was a state of the art Alliance Combat drone with a small letter of grovelling from her stubborn future captain.

She immediately named it Chiktikka vas Paus.

It didn't settle the matter, but it certainly made her understand that her and her pilgrimage captain were quite allowed to differing opinions and still retain a friendship.

A friendship based on an odd attraction to an alien.

It was an attraction she had wanted to expand on since he helped her with her pilgrimage; pushing her childish crush to genuine feelings. Feelings she immediately suppressed the moment she found that both Williams and T'Soni were vying for his attention, reminding her that a quarian had no place amongst the aliens anymore.

But now... after coming back from the dead, Only to have Williams call him a traitor for doing what he did best: protecting us all. Liara... who John was with, using him as a pawn. Something that hurt him, but like her, he suppressed any heartache he may have had.

"You're a really strange woman… risking your life, simply because I _asked_ you too."

Tali looked up, breaking her silent stare off. Shepard's head was turned slightly. Shooting her a fraction of a gaze before turning back to stare off at the fire, almost transfixed by the flickering flames. Her brain, always the source of selfless dictation nearly blurted out that she could understand him. Every other instinct railed against the concept of telling the truth.

"I don't think I've ever met a woman who ever had unshakable faith in me. I don't blame the others. I'm not a very good person."

Speechless was the only word that could describe her as. All thoughts of telling Shepard that she could understand vanished. How could Shepard think he was not a good person? He saved so many lives. People depended on him. Not like her. Everyone around her died because she was not strong enough to convince the Admirals that Haestrom should not be taken lightly. She failed and everyone died...

Shepard wasn't a bad person. She was.

"You were a very sweet girl." He reminisced, earning a hidden smile from the quarian. He paused and hastily added. "I mean you still are... only more... you know... _woman_."

The way he dragged that word: _woman_. It made Tali shudder with a sudden thrill of excitement. She ducked her head as she prayed to her ancestors for him not to see her rubbing her legs and thighs together as though she was burning alive inside her suit.

Stupid reawakened hormones...

"You were naïve, half glass full kind of person... stubborn, but I didn't mind it. I wish that didn't have to disappear so quickly…" Shepard inhaled the cigarette smoke.

Exhaling it slowly as he stared off, there was a strange look of melancholy present.

"You have no idea how hard I tried to protect you."

Tali blinked. All the near orgasmic pleasure of his attention came to a standstill as her Captain finally turned back to face her.

"Every other day I second guessed bringing you along." He continued, sounding very lost. "To see the galaxy in its worst form wasn't what I wanted for you. Selfish, yes, but I didn't want you to be like me..."

Shepard exhaled smoke from out of his nose, his eyes hardened as he glared into his lap.

"Look at what happened to the others. I have a track record," he spoke repulsed by the thought. "Kaidan got killed. Liara became obsessed with hunting the Broker. Garrus went off to become Batman, but lacking any of the charm... "

He looked up again, his eyes focusing back into hers.

"And _you_... _You_ were forced to watch your friends die... over and over again; and for what? your goddamn father's illegal orders?" He incredulously inquired as Tali stared blankly at him. The shit I've seen you put up with. From racism to letting me stumble ignorantly around quarian history... to making your father proud of you, even after he's gone... "

Shepard quirked his lips, as though this was all very amusing to him.

"You're a much, _much_ stronger person then I am…" he observed lightly.

John looked away his head shaking idly.

Tali downcast her vision away from the human, as a sudden wave of sick guilt washed over her. She was bearing witness to her Captain's private thoughts. This was wrong, this was untrustworthy. She needed to tell him that she could understand. But she did not. She could not.

"I couldn't change those things even if I wanted to," He breathed again, staring once more into the fire. "There's no magic fix when it comes to your parents... but there was one thing I could help you with. It was keeping you from being me. Living to send good people to their deaths... I never wanted you to follow in my footsteps. The fact that you seem to trust me even when I place you in terrible situations only makes the guilt worse I can't even tell you properly just how much I appreciated it."

There was a pause. Then, slowly, almost reluctantly, he added.

"I'm a coward," he grumbled mutinously. "I have to wait until the off chance that we broke our goddamn translators in order for me to admit that I feel something for you."

Not realizing how his words had nearly caused the quarian behind him to squeal out in surprise. Shepard exhaled the last of the smoke and tossed the butt of the cigarette into the fire and stood up.

"I should go... make my rounds around the perimeter…" he muttered. "I'll try to forget this happened and hope to Christ that you haven't spontaneously learned English."

He stepped back outside into the jungle, leaving Tali's mouth dropped open, her body frozen and unable to follow him. Had she heard Shepard correctly? Did he feel that attraction looming between them like she had? This was... This was unfathomable to her. As far as she knew; He was still seeing Liara T'Soni.

 _Wasn't he?_

Tali nodded to herself confidently. This was all just the results of being marooned and fairly injured. He needed a familiar face, so to speak. That was it; they were just friends, nothing more. There would never be more than that, something Tali found herself uncomfortable with despite being at peace with it.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

They had traveled all night, following the two distinct pairs of foot prints. Dawn on this world was breaking now. Harbinger could feel the body of the organic pawn break down. It would not be long now until its demise would occur. Forcing the augmented organic forward he squinted through dying eyes.

It was smoke. Smoke billowing out through the clearing that led to a primitive star vessel crash site. There was a flash of an organic in military grade body armour. The same armour that had been harassing its efforts the moment the bacteria destroyed its vanguard, Sovereign.

The Reaper possessed Collector turned back to the full platoon that was silently following it.

 _ **"Engage the organics. Subdue Shepard. The others are expendable."**_

The Drones clicked in agreement and together, they marched forward, their rifles firing in perfect unison at the organics.

Harbinger felt legs collapsed from under him. They were weak specimens, all of them. They all lacked the strength he needed. He needed an avatar, and this Shepard… This Shepard was the perfect choice.

 **"Releasing control."**

Harbinger, the commander of the Reaper fleets left his pawn dying. Somewhere in the back of its indoctrinated mind, it was surely wondering what great crime it had done to deserve this unimaginable fate.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

How in the hell could he not have expected this?

Shepard fired a burst from a Vindicator rife scavenged off one of the dead quarians. The rounds caused one the Collectors to crumple to the ground. Though he killed him, two took his place, laying down a field of fire and forcing the Spectre to dive behind cover.

Of course... of course the Collectors landed a detachment to find him. He had stopped their plague on Omega station, disrupted their raid on Horizon, Infiltrated their dreadnought... cheated death at their hands numerous times. It was only natural he would be at the top of their shit list if he had caused them this much grief.

Again he fired, burst after burst at the collector pawns. Conserving his thermal clip, he silent vowed to locate the piece of shit weapon designer that managed to convince gun manufacturers to convert their rifles back to clips and make him pay.

The roar of a shot blew over his head. It was Tali joining in on the fight. Her eyes narrowed as she shredded through the nearest Collector with her shotgun. She dived almost on top of him.

Quietly he passed her his heavy pistol and pulled himself back up one hand his Vindicator, the other, his Mattock, both of them firing concurrently at different targets, b Both weapons tearing through the platoon.

He and his engineer were this outgunned, they needed to create as much firepower as possible. He suddenly found himself wishing that he brought Grunt along for the mission. He was a whole platoon the moment he entered a blood haze.

 _"Shepard, Ali'wa!"_

Shepard paid no mind to the words spoken, he followed to the direction Tali was firing as he laid down stream of mass accelerated rounds at several Collector drones attempting to flank them; They fell like the others.

The hissing of a sub machine gun came from behind him, catching his attention a split second. It was Lieutenant Forzan wobbling uncertainly towards the fray. Tali screamed at her, most likely wanting the woman to turn back and let the professional Collector killers do their jobs. But Forzan would not hear of it. Not when she cut down one and was now drawing sporadic fire from them. She too ducked behind cover.

Shepard stood back up, his rifle catching another Collector, his shielding flaring up as the collector rounds hit against him. Tali screeched again, her arm dragging the Spectre back into cover.

 _ **"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL."**_

Shepard's eyes widened as the familiar command echoed over the gunfire. He peered up and sure enough, one of the Collectors had been martyred and became a vessel for the Collector General: Harbinger. The creature doubled in size ad was glowing violently. Its beady eyes searching with little concern for the conflict it was now involved in.

The collector lackeys laid covering fire as the augmented Collector rumbled closer to them, its powerful biotic barriers shrugging off round after round he, Tali and Lieutenant Forzan threw at him.

 _ **"This engagement is futile, Shepard. You have lost,"**_ the juggernaut taunted them, unafraid of the Spectre.

John grabbed Tali's shoulder and gestured to the _Cyniad_ violently.

"Tali take Forzan inside of the ship," he commanded. "I'll hold him off! _**Go**_!"

Tali stared at him in protest, but a sharp glare made her understand he was not open for a sign language debate. She huffed and nodded. Protected by Shepard's covering fire, Tali grabbed Forzan and together they fled inside the wreckage of the _Cyniad_ , leaving Shepard alone with the Collectors.

Quietly he vowed that no one, not even Harbinger would push through his fire.

Shepard stood up and took careful aim, killing the three Collectors closest to Harbinger. He fired a concussive round from the end of his Mattock, but the blast affected Harbinger's pawn very little. Instead, it shrugged off the attack, exchanging his own fire with the defiant human.

Rounds pierced through his shield, sparking and shattering against his hard suit. Shepard ignored it and continued to drive round after round against the son-of-a-bitch Collector. After what felt like ages, at long last, Harbinger's biotic barriers failed and now his bullets were piercing armour and flesh.

 _ **SHIT!**_

A sudden blinding agony overwhelmed his senses. With his focus so wrapped up on killing Harbinger. He hadn't noticed one of the braver Collectors flank him. The rounds ripped through his armour and hit flesh. Not nearly as swift as he had been prior to being shot, Shepard managed to swing his rifle over and hit the Collector with a burst of rifle fire.

Before Shepard knew it, a rifle butt connected into his gut the weapon swung again, smacking the Mattock from out of his hands. He turned and found Harbinger face to face with him. Shepard lashed out, kneeing the creature back before managing to tug out his Heavy pistol. Shepard got one shot off at the Collector before it two was batted out of his hands.

Rage boiling over in the Collector, Harbinger reached up and grabbed Shepard by the top of his combat shattered armour, lifting the fully grown human right off his feet. Shepard's eyes widened as he glared at the creature, his hands and feet flaying futilely in a desperate attempt to break the grasp.

Harbinger however, was much more physically powerful then he appeared. He instead shrugged off the blows as he flailed the human now in his grasp.

 _ **"I have run out of patience with you, Shepard,"**_ Harbinger growled. _**"Assimilation is not your only destiny. Extermination is equally preferable."**_

With his free hand, the Collector wrapped around the grip of his holstered rifle and brought it up to the human's skull. Shepard spat at him hitting the pawn's face as one act of final defiance… he could faintly hear the screams of Khellish cry from the wreckage.

Tali... well so much for protecting her...

A sudden pressure something unnatural hit against him, ripping him from Harbinger's grasp and fired him against the soft muddy dirt. Harbinger hissed, offended by the reverse in fortune. Before he could raise his weapon and react, he was swallowed in a haze of majestic blue and was ripped right off of his feet, tumbling backwards from the Spectre.

Through bruised eyes, he watched as an explosion of new gunfire ripped right through the Collector line from behind them. The fire was roaring at them from the jungle. The thumping of a machine gun, the hard hitting Sniper rounds blowing fist sized holes through the drones and a weave of a renewed biotic field tearing the Collectors to pieces.

The sound of the new gunfire brought Tali back out from the cover of the ship, her shotgun blaring joining the crescendo of bloody violence directed at these poor dumb bastards.

Lamely, he too managed to raise his heavy pistol and fired as quickly as he could at the possessed Collector.

The Collector General was a mess; the creature's biotic barriers failed and were now riddled full of pistol and shotgun holes was still defiant. It fired at the quarian, hitting through and connecting to armour, causing Tali yelp and crumble under her own weight.

Shepard's eyes widened from the terrifying shock at the sight of her falling in front of him.

Tali was hit...

Oh god, she was _down_.

Ignoring the searing pain in his side John stood up and nearly charged over to Tali's side, his Mattock shredding through the slumped over Collector who had dropped the rifle in its hands. The human forgetting that he was in the middle of a firefight turned all his focus on the fallen quarian now in his shaking arms.

For the first time since he was still a child. John Shepard had no idea what to do.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

 **I was taking a look at my old Connection Series work and decided that if I were to clean it up, cut out some of the content that connected it together, I could repost the work. Not all of it, but some. Be sure to thank Rick O'Shay25 on the way out for convincing me to give this story another chance.**


	2. Found

**Chapter Two: Found**

 **…**

 _ **"Tali?!... Tali! Are you with me? You don't get to die here!"**_

Tali coughed violently, her eyes opened and found Shepard bleeding all over her, his hands touching against her suit as though furiously searching for injuries... what happened? Was this some erotic and violent dream she was having? But it wasn't. They were still on Gei Hinnom and surrounded by the stench of Collector dead, being bled on by a massive armoured human who was rocking her body back and forth in a grip so tight that he was squeezing the life out of her.

All in all, it was very romantic...

" _Shepard_." Tali breathed weakly, suppressing the urge to choke in fear it might scare him. "Shepard, this suit is stronger than it looks."

She was worried at first. It definitely felt like she had been wounded. But she wasn't badly hurt if that was the case. Her suit readings told her that every part was still intact, despite the hit. She was just winded. Winded and coming down from the adrenaline pumping through her thanks to the combat.

Shepard naturally didn't understand her reassurances. So weakly, Tali's hand reached out and pushed her body up to a sitting position. Shepard staggered back. There was a weak grin on his lips as he stood back up, offering his hand to her. Tali accepted it and stood up, both of them leaning against each other for mutual support.

They stared at each other, Tali's head raised slightly to accommodate for her Captain's slight height advantage. No words were spoken. None were needed for Tali to know just how relieved he was. Shepard quirked his lips and downcast his gaze, almost appearing embarrassed to the quarian.

A gurgling cough broke their concentration. They turned and found the Collector General's proxy, still lying there in a puddle of its murk brown blood. It seemed to have sneered at the two of them.

Harbinger was still defiant despite moments from its shell's death.

 _ **"This is not over Shepard, your death is now inevitable**_ ," The Collector General hissed at the two of them, not bothered by the blood gurgling over his words. _**"RELEASING CONTROL."**_

The aura of sickening power disappeared from the Collector. It was now simply lying there, lost and dying. Its many eyes turned and looked up to the two of them in a strange confusion, almost resigned to its fate. Shepard had no witty reply like Tali had come to expect. No defiant words to speak to the possessed Collector that just sat there clicking and gasping.

He simply lifted the rifle in his arms and shot the creature.

It was a mercy.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

With Shepard blasting the poor drone's head open, the last of the Collectors fell in a gurgling mess.

John dropped his Mattock and slumped back onto the ground, breathing rough now. Tali was screeching wildly in her language, only making out his name as usual. He glanced up as he felt Tali wrap her arms snugly around his waist. Tali sat down behind him, resting his body onto hers as her hands frantically dug into his wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

Neither of them paid mind to the flickering and hissing emitting from Tali's hastily slapped together omni-tool.

 _"C-ommander Shepard. Tali'Zorah. This is an Omni-Tool test. H -as Justi- -ara found you yet?"_

EDI was on Tali's communication channel... Oh that wonderful, wonderful Artificial Intelligence. As if almost on cue, heavy boots stamped towards them. Shepard and Tali glanced up through the haze.

There standing over the bloody mess was indeed, none other than the Justicar Samara herself. Glowing biotic blue, she had taken Shepard's Reverent Light Machine gun from the Normandy arsenal and was currently looking dispassionately at the vast field of dead collectors, killed primarily by her biotics and her borrowed rifle.

Shepard did a mental check. He would never doubt the warrior's ability, or fuck with her ever again.

A sudden roar of a sniper rifle and hissing noise caught Shepard's attention. Crouched in a tree was none other than the Master Thief herself, Kasumi Goto. There was a sniper rifle in hand as she scanned for any Collector survivors, which apparently she had discovered. Without hesitation, she leaped from the tree and joined the Justicar, who nodded to younger woman appreciatively.

The two broke apart, with a mysterious smile directed to both him and Tali, Kasumi headed to check on Forzan. Samara moved to them. Without any hesitation, she knelt down next to the two of them and detached what remained of his armour, Tali almost jumped as Samara's aged hand gripped Tali's as they combined pressure around the wound.

"Lay still now, Shepard," she commanded, not even offering the illusion of choice. "Your armour took most of the damage, but you're still bleeding heavy. We need to get you back on the Normandy right now. We only have a short window of time before the Collector's ship tracks the Normandy again."

 _English..._

John gawked at the words spoken by the asari, more importantly, words understood by him.

"You...You speak English?" he groaned out as he felt Samara push a medi-gel injector into his wound deep and without any warning to him. Shepard hissed and Samara offered no sympathy.

Samara, he decided, would have made the worst nurse ever.

Moving her hands off his wound, he felt Tali's hand squeeze his, comforting him.

"I do not use translators when it is possible," Samara explained factually. "I find them lazy or for the dimwitted. I have spent much spare time learning a few of your major languages, as with any species I have come across. These sorts of communication incidents do not occur should one take the time to learn, even the most basic of other species language could save you grief once technology failed."

Shepard blinked... did the Justicar actually insult him?

John ignored the potential insult the best he could as he felt Samara's cold hand apply a second injection of medi-gel and broke out the emergency bandaging. He turned his head over to the Kasumi, who was hobbling Forzan over to the rest of the group. The quarian was babbling her language to Kasumi, who spoke back. Both of them fell silent as they stared at Shepard and then down to Tali, whose focus was focused on him, then to Shepard again.

"Regardless Kasumi, Samara you have no idea how glad I am you're here..." Shepard greeted the thief, groaning as the medi-gel and the pressure of the bandage made his wound burn.

Kasumi shot Tali a look of what John assumed was sympathy and turned back to Shepard, her eyebrow raised.

"You're glad we're _here_?" Kasumi repeated like he said something stupid. "You're stuck on a beautiful jungle world full of Varren ad Collectors with the sweetest girl I've ever met and you're glad we're _interfering_? _Really_? Translators or not... I figured the two of you would have worked out your feelings once and for all by now."

The observation caught him off guard. But it was Tali's reaction that caught his attention. From behind him, Tali tensed up as though she became paralyzed. Shepard's turned back to look up at her, eyes widened at just how odd she was behaving. It suddenly all made sense. The seemingly easier communication between them… the strange body language that Chambers taught was a sign of interest...

Holy shit… she fixed her translator...

"Let them sort it on their own time." Samara chastised her like she was speaking to one of her daughters and very unfazed by Kasumi's revelation. "We must get back to the Normandy and flee the system. Before the Collector ship comes back."

Shepard nodded and glanced back to Tali who was shifting extremely nervously now... yes... they would work this out, once it was safe to assume the Collectors weren't looking to tangle with the Normandy again.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

"I want you off official duties for the next three days, Tali. A cracked rib is nothing to ignore. Also, the next time Shepard offers you ways to treat wounds without Medi-Gel, disregard them. That scar isn't going anywhere."

Tali, rubbed her hands nervously as she listened to Chakwas rant and rave over both Shepard, her and Lieutenant Forzan, who was isolated away in the AI core room, which now served as a place of treatment for the injured quarian. Not that Forzan knew that she was locked in the room with an advance alien artificial intelligence.

Shepard did not seem fazed at all by the shouting, he simply lay there, almost amused by the berating.

"I'm sorry Doctor Chakwas," Tali murmured, unable to meet the human physician's eyes. "The bleeding would not stop and what supplies we had needed to be conserved."

Chakwas shot her a sympathetic smile, as though she understood that the engineer had to do what was necessary. The smile died as soon as she rounded back and glared down at the Commander, her patient.

"As for you, Shepard, You should try and wear your goddamn helmet for once in your life! I know it doesn't look cool, but there's a reason why you own it," Karin warned her patient furiously. "Do I have to tell you how to do your job as a Spectre? Wasn't the very first lesson in basic training to keep your helmet on?"

Shepard rolled his eyes and pushed himself up off the mattress, dangling his feet over the edge of the hospital bed, his hand clutching his gunshot graze.

"Yes ma'am..." was his dull sounding agreement.

Shooting her Commanding Officer one last appraising look and Tali the kindest of smiles, Chakwas set the scanner down and turned away from both Shepard and the suddenly nervous quarian and left the Med Bay, leaving them both alone.

John quirked his lips at the woman, who ceased her jumpiness almost right away and tried to calm down instead. Quietly, he ushered her over to his side. She did so, her steps more bouncy than usual.

"My mother always found it funny that my medical officer is the same woman who delivered me as an infant." Shepard spoke up to her, a mild smirk on his lips.

Tali blinked, her hands tightening their grip on each other.

"Doctor Chakwas actually birthed you?" Tali almost chirped, amazed at the sudden and profound information. "She would be like family to you. Well, at least she would be by quarian standard… an official relative."

"Just like Admiral Raan?" Shepard guessed astutely. Tali nodded. Yes, Raan had told him that she was the one who place her in her bubble, much to her own embarrassment, fortunately hidden by her stupid mask.

Shepard didn't confirm whether Chakwas was like family. He simply held his gaze over her, burning holes into her resolve.

"I should... ahhhhhh; I should go and make sure Daniels and Donnelly have not blown up the engines." Tali finally spoke up. "I'll see you later, Shepard."

But as she turned to flee, things suddenly complicated with eight words uttered by her captain, by the man she was crushing hard on.

"You borrowed Lieutenant Forzan's translator software, didn't you?"

Tali lost her ability to breathe as her body froze at the observation made by her captain He knew... Oh Keelah... he knew... Slowly she turned back and found that Shepard was off the bed, and wrapping his torn shirt back onto him.

"I know when people can't understand or when they're pretending to not understand. At first you genuinely didn't understand, but you were pretending the rest of the time." He pressed on, his tone neutral as his eyes frightened the quarian.

"How did you-"

Shepard shrugged casually, still smiling that stupid knowing smile.

"Old training supplemented by Miss Chambers for a couple quick alien body language lessons... quarian body language in particular," was his simple voice reply. He looked so coy.

Tali closed her eyes and bowed her head. She was going to hurt Kelly Chambers. She said she would keep her observations private!

"I got to go check in on Joker," Shepard spoke, breaking his silence as he pushed himself out of the bed. "I heard he was feeling guilty for taking off and being gone for so long."

He paused and turned back to the still quarian, a slight knowing look on his lips.

"When you have some free time Tali, I'd like you to come up to my quarters." Shepard requested his tone almost delicate. "We'll continue this conversation later. Understood?"

Nodding blankly to her Captain, she watched as Shepard allowed her slight smile before weakly stepping out of the med-bay. Leaving Tali with the sudden urge to throw up from the thought of Shepard knowing just what it was she was thinking.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

Oh Keelah... Oh Keelah help her. She was in trouble.

She should have just told him that she could understand his confession. Now he was going to be furious with her.

Or ravish her.

She was not sure what she feared more, a verbal assault from the man who humiliated the quarian leadership in a single conversation, or the fact that her hormones, bubbling to a boil were begging her to forget years of instilled fear, tear her suit off and take him right then and there, destroying their friendship and getting a passionate and romantic relationship in its place.

"So… Kasumi told me about your tropical excursion with Shepard planet-side. I should have known you had thought of the Commander like that. Suddenly it all makes sense now..."

The flangling voice.

That awful taunting tone...

Oh Keelah... not him.

Keelah... anyone but _him._

Tali was instantly put out of the mood. She silently groaned as she turned around and found none other than Garrus Vakarian sitting alone at the crew mess table; his mandibles spread wide open as though he was amused. Slowly, he began to laugh, something that sounded so foreign from a turian. Tali could only privately scowl.

"Oh come on now, tell Garrus about all about your troubles. I won't laugh too much at you stumbling around Shepard." Garrus crowed as he stood up to follow the engineer. "I'll tell you what's going on between me and Operative Lawson."

Tali ignored the bosh'tet the best she could. This was not his concern. So why was he making this his business?

"What is this... silent treatment from the quarian who can't stop talking?" Garrus teased a little more. "I must have really hit a ner-"

A blue glow wrapped around the turian, throwing him against the wall. Tali turned to the source of the biotic. It was Operative Miranda Lawson. The look on her face was a mixture of rage and disgust with the turian's false implications. She moved forward to Garrus, her eyes hard, her lip curled.

"Oh alright then… nothing is going on between the Operative and I. I'm sorry for the remarks Tali, Miranda..." Garrus coughed out as he rolled over onto his back with a groan.

Satisfied with the apology, Lawson let the biotic haze over Vakarian die and turned away, wordlessly joining Tali in the elevator. Tali could find no pity for the turian for his behaviour and silently commended the Cerberus Agent for not letting him get away with it. Lawson hit the button for Deck 2. The door shut, leaving both human and quarian staring at their reflection.

The only noise made at first was the gentle humming of the elevator, leaving the women alone, together.

Miranda Lawson...

To say she was a hard woman to understand would be an understatement in her opinion.

Calling her a real bitch would be much more accurate.

Miranda had an agenda, or so Tali had assumed when they first met on Freedom's Progress. She was cold, calculating, manipulative (For how easily she managed to convince Shepard that she fought for a greater good) bordering on vindictive when she had heard that the woman had kidnapped her own infant sister to spite her father. This was a crime inconceivable to Tali no matter how terrible the man may have been.

But since Shepard went out of his way to rescue Oriana Lawson, she seemed to have changed for the better... like she had an epiphany and realized her life wasn't totally dedicated to the cause she fought for. It gave Tali her own doubts about her assumption of Lawson. She was starting to see what Shepard saw: the good in her.

"Disregarding Garrus' lewd, unprofessional behaviour, I am glad that you both have made it back in relatively good condition," Operative Lawson spoke to her, her hands crossing behind her back as she stared ahead at the elevator door

It was in this moment that Tali'Zorah found herself no longer disliking the woman the way she did. She understood what Lawson had done. She spent two years of her life furiously dedicated to bringing him back; she spent... years arms deep in what remained of him after being spaced. Patiently working on him with a dedication Tali could never imagine.

Nor Lawson could imagine just the amount of gratitude Tali felt for the woman.

"Miss Zorah? Are you alright, Miss Zorah?"

Tali looked up and found Operative Lawson staring at her. Before either realized it, the elevator doors open to the CIC opened. Still, Lawson's head was tilted curiously. Faintly Tali could hear the Commander talking to Joker on the bridge. That voice, so distant but still could send shivers down her spine and make her lose her cool. She shook her head and licked her dried lips.

"Thank you…" Tali managed to speak up, staring back at the Cerberus agent.

Lawson quirked her lips, almost confused by Tali's softly spoke appreciation.

"Yes, well if you excuse me, I have duties to attend to…." was her response as she attempted to move out of the elevator.

Before Miranda could depart; Tali reached out and without thinking, grabbed the woman's arm turning her back to face her once again. Lawson stared dangerously as though she was daring the engineer to make another move so she could seriously hurt the woman for grabbing her. Nervously, Tali disregarded the feelings that she was close to forfeiting her life for touching the Cerberus agent.

"No, _thank you…_ " Tali repeated once again.

Lawson blinked, her defensive stance vanished as she simply stood there, unsure of what to do or say, or even what in the hell Tali was babbling about. The quarian shook exhaled, how could her simple words be so complicated for her to understand?

" _Miranda...Thank you…_ " she desperately urged the woman to accept.

Tali's grip fell off Miranda, leaving the two of them standing there silently. She watched as a dawning of realization spread onto the Operative's expression. For the first time since they met. Tali felt comfortable using the woman's first name.

Miranda huffed a brisk laugh.

"I... I understand…" she whispered back to Tali, nodding gently. "I suppose he means more to you then the Illusive Man knows, or at least briefed me..."

The engineer tilted her helmet, almost embarrassed that Lawson had pointed the obvious out to her. She glanced up and did not see a look of disgust, or revulsion she had anticipated from the Cerberus Operative from the mere thought of an alien thinking of human in that way. No, instead, there was a gentle smile that destroyed her assumptions.

A gentle smile from Miranda Lawson… what was this galaxy coming to?

"You're quite welcome, but I was merely the one who put him back together," was Miranda's almost humbled response. "You might want to thank my employer as well. If it were not for him this... second chance of yours would never have happened."

It was Tali's turn to blink. _Thank_ the Illusive Man? She could not imagine that she ever would... but she would entertain the thought. Miranda was right however, if there was one thing she should that she should thank that bastard for...

Miranda chuckled; she seemed to understand Tali's lack of enthusiasm in the suggestion.

"At any rate, I trust you will not squander this opportunity," Miranda continued. "I also should like to think we can be on less... hostile terms now... Tali."

Miranda reached out, offering her hand to the quarian. Tali looked at it, and extended her own, giving a curt but friend shake.

"I don't trust this organization. I lack the same faith that Shepard does..." Tali admitted without any shame. She paused and added. "But I can come to like a few of its members, Miranda."

Miranda held her eyes on Tali's for a little while longer. She nodded and dropped Tali's hand. With a slight smile and without another word, she turned away and stepped onto the bridge. Leaving Tali alone in the elevator as the doors closed, both pleased and surprised with the conversation.

She glanced at the elevator panel, lost as she stared at the holographic display.

Miranda Lawson was right. She had this second chance to get what she needed. To take him and keep him close to her. For however long that might have been.

She would tell Shepard.

Without another thought and knowing full well that Gabriella and Kenneth had the engines under complete control, Tali pressed the button to Deck One: Captain's Quarters.

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

Joker, as it turned out, was rather hard to get him to understand that he was not upset with him.

John couldn't blame him for feeling that way... the guilt. He reckoned it was probably what happened on board the SR-1 that made Moreau feel he had to always find a way to pay him back for his stubborn borderline insubordination that coincidentally led to his demise.

After managing to at least tell him that they could settle this incident by buying his CO a drink on the Citadel, it pacified the upset pilot somewhat.

With only a brief conversation with his Executive Officer about what had happened and how much a piece of shit the Hammerhead was, he was in the elevator and heading up to his room for a shower, a shave and a fresh change of clothing. Perhaps he would get a couple hours of shut eye before Tali finally managed to work up the courage to face him.

 _Tali_...

Okay... he probably could have handled that better. He left her in such a worried state. He wasn't mad at her or anything. He reckoned he just wanted her to sweat a little. He thought it was an adequate enough punishment for someone who got to listen to him confess how much of a bastard he once was...

" _Commander, Chief Engineer Tali'Zorah vas Normandy has been waiting in your quarters for the past half an hour. Should I follow Mister Moreau's suggestion and have Yeoman Chambers send up a bottle of wine for her?"_

Shepard groaned. Of course Joker would figure out why he had left so soon. Buttering up the Ship's Artificial Intelligence had its uses. Besides... he might have purchased Thesssian brandy, brewed with quarian and turian's in mind. If Tali needed a drink then it would be there.

Shepard quirked his lips slightly as a sudden amusement hit him.

Tali had left the engines to Donnelly and Daniels?

"No, EDI. My quarters are off limits to any suggestions made by Joker, Miss Goto and Miss Chambers," John finally returned. He paused, thought for exactly three seconds before adding. "Amend my last statement to include Garrus in that list… no suggestions from him as well."

 _"Acknowledged."_

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and slowly approached his room, knowing full well that a quarian girl he left in a near paranoid state was waiting for him. In truth, he felt sort of bad for leaving her hanging like this.

He would definitely break that bottle of brandy out for her if she needed it. Tali was a nervous wreck whenever something she shouldn't have done occurred. She was a usually positive woman, until she did something wrong and assumed that she was going to face the firing squad or something.

He paused as he noticed Tali sitting behind his desk staring at something in her hands. Silently he tip toed closer and got a good look at what the quarian was so focused on.

A picture of Liara.

He wasn't quite sure why he still had it. It was a relic to a past that wasn't relevant today. Liara and he were not on speaking terms. Not after her using him like an extension to her information network. It was a disgrace... not that he would care to admit it to anyone. Being used sucked, even for a Spectre.

"You know... that actually came with the ship, oddly enough. I think my employer was trying to be forward thinking about non-humans…" Shepard spoke up, surprising Tali enough to make her jump in place. With her eyes devoted on him, he added. "Liara and I aren't together or anything. Words were spoken by the two of us. It wasn't pretty. But the end was pretty much solidifying that the moment she had me hacking terminals like one of her pawns."

Tali bowed her head.

"I'm sorry that you fought with her," Tali spoke to him, her words carefully chosen. "She is our friend. She was your... _closer_ friend."

The quarian turned back to the desk. As tenderly as she could, she placed the photo frame back on the table as though it were delicate glass. Tali stood up and fidgeted under his expression; like she wasn't sure if she should be up here at all.

"I'm sorry I came up so soon," she blurted out. "Daniels and Donnelly had things under control. I just thought... you _know_. I have an apology to make. I deceived you and it was wrong. It will not happen again."

Tali trailed off, her eyes not blinking as she stood there staring at him. Shepard didn't know what she was talking about. Instead, he simply nodded and chalked up to her following his request.

Quietly he moved past the quarian and down to his bed. Without thinking, he pushed his shirt and pants off his body, leaving himself exposed as he pried open his clothing drawer to search for something fresh to wear. He paused and remembered. Fear of public nudity was all but beaten out of him during boot camp.

Tali on the other hand… from behind her mask, he could faintly hear the smallest of gasps.

He glanced back and noticed Tali was frozen, her stance clearly that of someone who had just received the shock of her life. He sighed and pulled on fresh casual shirt and a pair of shorts: Sleeping attire. He turned back and stepped slowly back to the silent engineer.

"I told Miranda to requisition us a Mako," he spoke up, breaking Tali's wide eyed stare as he turned back to face her. "Say what you will about it, at least it didn't fall apart whenever we landed rougher than usual."

Tali nodded blankly.

"A good call," Tali agreed tersely. "So long as you let Garrus or I drive it during missions or at the very least stop driving them through anymore micro mass relays. You know... Garrus nearly had a mental breakdown after Saren died and saw what you did to the vehicle? He did not think it was possible that you could break an axle like that."

He laughed slightly at Tali's observation. Yes, Garrus was obsessed with keeping that damn IFV in tip top shape.

"That was just the one time, Miss vas Normandy." He reminded her. He nudged her playfully, adding. "Besides, you screamed like a girl."

The tension broke in the quarian. She started to laugh as at the memory. John chuckled as well. Tali ducked her head slightly, shaking it as though thinking of the memory was humiliating. John inched forward, his hand outstretched, slowly he leaned in, his gripping her shoulder.

Tali looked back up, her eyes staring at the grasp around her. She looked up and found John's expression to be blank with the barest hints of understanding.

"I meant what I said back there, Tali," he whispered, his lip quirked. "How I trust you... how you made me felt. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it's been lingering there for a long time now. It just had to be said. I just figured you not having a translator would... you know... help ease the tension."

He watched as Tali wringed her hands, a sudden burst of nervous energy flowing through her.

"I thought you figured it out I had a translator."

Shepard shook his head ruefully.

"I only figured it out after Kasumi said something about us being marooned and you turned to her, like you knew what she said." Shepard said. "I don't often spill myself so freely."

"I'm so sorry, Captain... I... just... when you started speaking so frank..." Tali replied, finding her voice but keeping her head hung low. "It was so different then what I was used to. We... we never really talked before. On the first Normandy, you kept to yourself. I did not get a chance to know you. The only one who made any dent into you was Doctor T'Soni."

John rubbed the back of his neck.

"She only made any progress because of the mind melds." he admitted sheepishly. "I didn't really talk to her... that sounded bad, didn't it?"

Tali shrugged noncommittally.

"It does not matter. What matters is that after the trial... after you became my captain. I _might_ have felt that dull aching pain in my stomach that your people described," she admitted to him. "So when you started speaking, I was just so worried that to make you aware would mean you would clam up and never speak to me so... so...intimately again."

Shepard emitted a low chuckle.

"Well, I'm a real pain in the ass to get to know." He grinned apologetically. "You barely scratched the surface while we were stranded. I have a whole list of issues that I think might scare you off."

Still Tali stood there, silent as the grave. Shepard rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes were locked into hers. Slowly, he whispered.

"This is where you reply, telling me you don't have an interest."

Tali almost immediately snorted. She cocked her head back and let loose a laugh that echoed throughout the room. It was as though his words had been a source of great amusement. Shepard resisted the urge to ask her what was so funny. He was offering her a way out diving any deeper into the mess that was Commander John Shepard's personal life.

"You're assuming I _don't_ have an interest?" Tali found her voice, sounding almost surprised by him. "A dashing, exotic commander saves me from criminals, offers me a post on his experimental military frigate, allows me fight the geth and chase a rogue Spectre across the galaxy, even going out of his way to raid a geth base to find me my pilgrimage gift... who cheats his own death and the void of space and comes right back to me... and inadvertently tells me how special I am to him... How I am the best thing that had come into his life..."

Tali exhaled slowly her head tilted up to him incredulously.

"How could I _possibly_ be interested in him?" she breathed, her eyes clearly hooded as she took the sight of him in.

As the words spoken so silkily by the quarian died between the two, John realized that this was not the same girl who proved herself on the hunt for Saren. She was a woman now, filled with feelings and desires apparently suppressed from the moment they first met.

Oh great God help him, here he was, two years out of practice on the account of him being dead. Now he finds out he's damn near masturbation material for an amorous quarian.

Okay, that may have been crude and pretty arrogant had someone been reading his thoughts. Still, the way she stood there, one hand on her hip, her head tilted, eyes hooded as they traveled over his body... It was hard not to imagine Tali hidden away in a private clean room... just thinking of him...

"Shepard?"

Tali's voice caught his attention. He could feel the heat touching into his face. He tried to find the right words but they were not there to answer. Tali simply stood there looking almost shocked.

"Shepard... are you being _bashful_?" She observed, her voice almost chirping as she teased him so openly. Somehow the heat got hotter against his skin. He coughed and bowed his head.

"Oh Keelah... Have I just made the great Commander Shepard, first human Spectre and the bane of the Admiralty Board _blush_!?" The quarian woman giggled furiously, she looked ready to completely lose her resolve as she realized just how much an effect her words had on him.

" _I shall archive this incident on Tali'Zorah's omni-tool. I calculate a 98.6835 percent probability that she will want to experience this again."_

 _ **"EDI, I told you not to snoop during personal time!"**_ Shepard roared out as the avatar of EDI flashed to life in the corner of the room. It blinked away, as though knowing she was in trouble with her boss. The presence of the AI did nothing to detract Tali's laughter at his expense.

"For an AI, I think I'm okay with it now…" she spoke again sounding gleeful and unfazed as she checked her omni-tool and found that indeed EDI had sent her a video file of the incident.

John rubbed his face. This had to be the worst possible thing he would ever get into. Reapers and Collectors be damned.

He slumped onto the couch and gave Tali an appraising look as she stood over him, her arms crossed. He rolled his eyes and patted the seat next to him, which she accepted right away. They sat there, resting into the comfortable couch as they

John turned his hand over on his lap, showing the quarian his palm; his eyes glanced over to her. She was staring at it, almost fascinated. Slowly, tentatively she reached out and pressed her gloved hand into his. It was awkward looking, three digits searching for a way to link together with five efficiently, but soon they found the connection. A connection Tali quickly held tight to.

Tali looked up from behind her mask Shepard could swear that she could see the hint of a smile through the tinted glass.

"So... if this was to happen... you and I... being together much closer than just friends..." Shepard spoke up, finding his voice. "Will you have any regrets? Any fears I need to know?"

Tali'Zorah shook her head.

"No regrets, my captain. None at all…" she whispered back. "But I will have my doubts. Tomorrow I will probably find dozen reasons why you should not be with me... which I know you'll ignore. And It's... hard to feel attractive and feel like I am attractive enough for you when I'm in this damn suit."

John's eyes widened as he slowly checked out every inch of Tali's body sitting next to him. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I know you probably don't feel so cute in a suit... but it does show off some nice... features," He observed with the mildest of grins. "All those curves… how are they even possible?"

Tali gave Shepard and his borderline lecherous comment a simple but somewhat intimidating look. It was not the first time he had seen it .She had used the same look on Operative Taylor for him so casually mentioning she would be serving alongside a Cerberus Artificial Intelligence.

"Regardless, I imagine we'll figure something out to get you out of the suit if only for a few hours. If that's what you want…" Shepard assured her with the mildest of smiles. "We've killed a Reaper, postponed a galactic invasion, infiltrated a Collector ship and somehow a quarian is making nice with a loyal Cerberus agent."

He grinned as he watched her jump at the mention of Miranda and added, "I imagine anything is possible."

In a moment of boldness displayed by Tali, she slapped his chest as though he had said something wrong. It was not a display of rage or anything... she was _flirting_ with him.

If he was being honest with himself, he never ever intended on getting into a situation like this again, a relationship with a subordinate. He figured after the fiasco that was Liara and him, he'd stay strictly on a professional basis with non-humans from that point on.

It was a task made so much more difficult by the loyal quarian sitting next to him.

Quarian... just the thought of him confession that he had these sorts of feelings to a quarian was making his head spin. Not for any racial disbelief. It was more of blindside. Interspecies dating wasn't new to him, but this was drastically different. Liara might have been alien, but she was the sort of alien who he had experience with and Liara, though awkward with due her lack of interest in anything that wasn't a Prothean artefact, was still a member of a race that could adapt to the differences that a mate brought.

Tali was a completely different person... he was probably going to be stumbling in the dark at first...

"How do you handle it?" Tali blurted out. "Losing people under your command?"

Shepard leaned his back into the couch.

"What makes you think I handle loss well?" he asked him curiously.

Tali stared at him for a moment before she shrugged.

"After Freedom's Progress..." Tali sighed out. "You do not know how close I was to telling Father and the rest of the Admiralty Board that I was done helping them. I was going to reveal my intentions of re-joining your crew, regardless of if my request was approved or not. I even told Auntie Raan privately that fleet life was not what I wanted... and that I wanted you to be my Captain. I wanted you to be my captain since we took down Saren."

Shepard cocked his eyebrow.

"You told her about me?"

Suppressing the urge to chuckle, Tali'Zorah nodded.

"Of course I did... I told her bits and pieces." the quarian said. "I was not as open as I am now... but she knew how badly your death affected me."

Tali paused and inhaled and exhaled slowly, as though washing the old memory away.

"I told Auntie Raan that...well... I consider you my best friend," she spoke quietly, almost worried to admit it out loud. "You were a best friend who disappeared for two years, who came back and had nobody there to support him... and had no one who would listen to you the way... _well_... the way that _I_ listen."

Tali admitted a small nervous chuckle.

"Conceited, I know…" She admitted slyly, her eyes darting back and forth as her hands wringed. "But... I like to think I was right."

Shepard shrugged.

"Well Joker and Garrus doesn't seem the type who'd want to talk about my feelings. Chakwas tries to be there. But she's is more interested in keeping me together," Shepard agreed. "So yes... I wouldn't say no to a mouthy, tech crazy engineer with a real mean streak to her, helping me process what spending two years dead felt like."

Though his words were meant to extract a small laugh from the engineer, it did not work.

"In the end I just couldn't shake Father's influence..." Tali continued, demurely. "The next thing I knew I was on Haestrom, watching the last of my friends die because I was too incompetent to save them."

Shepard squeezed her hand.

"You were not incompetent," he almost chastised her. "At worst, you were inexperienced and placed into a nightmare situation that was over your head, over most peoples head. If blame is to be handed out, then it's to the Admiralty Board for making the call and your father for his research. Not you."

Tali lowered her line of sight. Taking a risk, she leaned closer against him, her helmet in the space between his chin and his shoulder.

"That does not bring peace to all of the dead... I can't even write to the families." Tali breathed disbelievingly. "I do not know what to say... how to say it... It feels wrong that I live and they do not, that I get to fight while they remained unburied on Haestrom... That I, a coward who thought only of making my father proud of me could see my home world one day, while true heroes are doomed to be forgotten."

Tali paused and looked at him carefully.

"That I get to sit here... in the arms of a man who I care so much about, while their loved one cry themselves to sleep because I could not save their damn lives…" she added, her words miserable.

She fell quiet and once more, she buried her mask into his neck. There were no cries or sniffles... just hard silence. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, John could not believe just how similar Tali was now to him. She had the same problems he had... chiefly survivors guilt. Guilt from Torfan... guilt of being granted a second life while the rest of the Normandy crew remained dead...

 _"Seventy eight..."_ he spoke up before he could stop himself.

Tali glanced up back to John, who was staring off, his hands still gripping her tight however.

"I have written seventy eight condolence letters from the time I took my first command, to about a week ago." Shepard spoke to the engineer leaning against him. "I lost fifty marines on Torfan; twenty crew members in the Collector attack, four marines stationed onboard who died on Virmire, Pressley... Jenkins... Lieutenant Alenko."

Silently, he leaned forward and sipped the whiskey he poured himself. He set the glass down and leaned back into Tali, whose eyes never left him, nor could she find the right words.

"It never gets any easier, Tali. Not even for me." He continued, his eyes staring into hers. "Being a leader, whether you want to or not means the dead are on your hands and there isn't one thing you can do about it. It's happened to me, my parents... It happened to Garrus... and it happened to you as well now."

He exhaled, and tried to remain clearheaded, despite the memories coming back to haunt him. The lives lost because he didn't do his job...

"I can't tell you how to grieve for those you lost. Whether it's those you lost under your command... or your father. I wish I had a magic fix, but I don't." Shepard whispered, gripping Tali's fingers. "All I can do is tell you is to not dwell on it... you'll end up like Garrus... or worse... me: driven to do bad things that can't bring anyone back."

Tali eyed him up as he once again attempted to push back the old familiar feelings back into his thoughts. This was not the time to dump all his baggage on her.

"I think I understand. Thank you." Tali murmured softly, her helmet bowed briefly before looking up into his eyes. "It just... if you hadn't taught me to survive; I know I would have given up and died there on Haestrom."

She exhaled unsteadily.

"And I…" she started and stopped again as she looked away from him. "I- I wouldn't... _you know_... I would not have had this chance... with you."

As he nodded, understanding how the woman felt. Tali leaned closer against her captain, tilting head and helmet. Her mouth piece pressed against his cheek. It was surprisingly warm against his skin. She pulled back, her bowed, almost ashamed that she had bumped her mask against him.

"This is the closest thing to a kiss I can give to you." She sheepishly admitted her voice so bothered by herself and her inability to express intimacy she figured he deserved.

Shepard chuckled and pulled her hand up, his lips grazing against her fingers, causing the sweet quarian to jump as nerves stimulator activated by his touch. He could hear the gentlest of moans escape Tali's voice modulator.

"It's kind of cute." He said, looking up into Tali's hooded eyes. "Not as good as the real thing though, I'll have to show you soon."

John stood up and much the quarians protest, he pulled Tali up from her resting place, his arm slinking around her waist, causing the poor, sexually frustrated woman into bumping her pelvis into his. From behind her mas, he imagined he heard her almost purr by his touch.

"Come on, Miss vas Normandy." Shepard decided, tugging her towards his bed. "I'm buzzed from pain medications, tired and this bed lacks a quarian comforter. Care to join me?"

Tali crossed her arms, the gesture, clearly a playful one.

"So that is why you have spoken such sweet words. I am just a blanket to you?" Tali shot back, simply glaring at her captain. "I see where I stand now. Alright then, so long as you serve as my head rest."

Shepard nodded and in his own moment of bravery, leaned in and kissed the side of her mask, leaving the poor woman stunned. Together, they laid there in the dim quarters. Arms wrapped around each other's bodies as the silence fell over them serenely; the only noise made by John was careful breathing and a heartbeat thumping against Tali's hood.

His mind wandered back to the conversation earlier. About those lost under their respective command. How difficult it was for Tali to know what to say to those who died protecting her. She needed his help much more then she was willing to let on.

Help he would provide if she wanted it.

"Tell you what. If you want, I can help you write those letters. Unfortunately, I'm an expert in writing them..." John offered to her, his voice low and not at all liking the words he was speaking to the emotionally injured quarian. "By the looks of this war... I think I'll be writing many more before things get any better."

Tali did not reply. Instead she simply buried her helmet deeper into his chest. Slowly she nodded, accepting the offer presented. Slowly but certainly, He could feel the tension in Tali's body from the thrill of being with him like this die. A sure sign that the woman was quickly entering the land of dreams, where the bad things she ran from hopefully did not chase her to as well.

Quietly he ran his hand over Tali's hood, still stained by his blood. Though he had a galaxy to save from itself, Tali would always come first.

He really didn't know if that was a good or bad thing...

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

Tali opened her eyes and felt what she could only describe as a heater lying next to her. She did not notice the warmth before on Gei Hinnom. The jungles were hot and humid, even in the rain so she did not realize just how much heat a thinly clothed human generated.

Not that she minded it. Even if she was in her damn suit, between his bed, his fines sheets and Shepard serving as a head rest. This may have been the most comfortable sleep she had ever had in her entire life.

She could not believe she was in this situation so deep, so quickly. She believed that this would have been a slow process. It was sort of an intimate building of trust between human and quarian. But Shepard, being Shepard, charmed her into realizing that neither of them had the time to dance around this issue.

They were in the middle of a war and both were sufficiently grown up (herself more so) to realize that at any moment, all of this could end in a single strike against them. These were not simple times like two years ago, when their biggest threat was chasing a fugitive Spectre and she and Shepard were only learning of the threat waiting just outside the galaxy.

There was no concern, for the moment at least, of the inevitable reactions. Of what her father and mother would have thought had they been alive, How Auntie Raan and the rest of the Admiralty board would feel about an alien being this close to her. She had no concerns what Liara T'Soni would react had she found out a quarian had snatched her mate from out of her arms, Or Ashley Williams, whom Vakarian had confided in her a while back, was still clearly was still nursing a crush on her former Commander, even after the Horizon meeting.

Well as the humans put it: Hard luck. Or was it tough luck?

Regardless of the stupid idioms humans had, this was her time. It was her time to get what she wanted. No matter how selfish her logic told her she was being. Tali, for once since she became an adult, decided to act against logic, one of the few friends she had in order to get the man that she wanted... _needed_.

She rolled over, taking the sight of the human underneath her in.

Shepard was... Shepard was strange asleep. He was at peace, unguarded and vulnerable. But that wasn't the only thing alien. So was he.

All those digits, his eyes dull looking, at least compared to hers they were, his skin a healthy looking tone of extremely light pink. He was beautiful in a frighteningly powerful sort of way. Like a male asari minus the dual gender role, tendrils, and crushing brains with his thoughts.

Tali smiled slightly from beneath her mask. She did not imagine John Shepard would be particularly impressed by the description. Still... she liked him and was amazed by herself. Before Shepard she hadn't imagined herself one to fall for a human.

She had imagined she would come home from her pilgrimage would marry a fellow quarian, perhaps even have a child; and then came along Shepard and everything that came along with him. The danger and the excitement of running with a Spectre had undermined that dream in a single meeting two years ago. Even when he was... dead, she still longed to be with him.

She even contemplated joining him on more than one occasion...

Tali shook that bad memory away from her. She did not want to think of such dark days. Not when she was so close to having everything she wanted. She leaned back into Shepard broad warm chest, her arm raised as she activated her Omni-Tool. There, flashing under unread messages, was one from the human she was laying on top of.

 _Forwarded: Transfer Request Approved_

 _From: Admiralty Board, Migrant Fleet_

 _Commander Shepard,_

 _Per Tali'Zorah vas Neema's request included with her data delivery from Haestrom, the Admiralty Board has approved her transfer to your command. She has been informed that additional duties to the Migrant Fleet may still be necessary on occasion, but has been given extended leeway to determine when her mission with you is considered complete._

 _This choice was hers, but your role as de facto captain during her Pilgrimage may have caused her to be more susceptible to your requests. The Admiralty Board trusts that you will treat your new crew member with the respect due an honoured member of the Fleet. Should any harm come to her due to negligence on your part, this board will take severe and appropriate action._

 _Admiral Rael'Zorah,_

 _Migrant Fleet Admiralty Board_

 _..._

 _\- Tali'Zorah vas Normandy,_

 _I could not sleep so I figured I'd forward you this. I don't think your Father liked me or would have liked me all that much. I do not think I would have been too nice to him as well. But his concern for you is clearly there. He and I may not have saw eye to eye and many things. But I think that your safety is where ours paths cross. I know you can protect yourself, but I will always be there for you Tali. Don't ever doubt that._

 _Yours,_

 _Shepard_

 _Post Script: The only reason I'm not able to sleep is because you snore. You're loud. I mean Wrex loud. You're just lucky you're too cute to kick out of bed._

Tali smiled slightly and turned back up to look at Shepard, who remained motionless and asleep, despite his message. She would harass him later for the message. For now, sleeping with her Shepard was the only thing on her mind. Everything else, from the losses she felt guilt for to the Collectors that were chasing them, could wait.

 **…**

* * *

 **…**

 **I hope that looks better if you remembered the original. Anyways, thanks for reading!**


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